She pulled my hair!
He gets all the attention!
Why are you always so mean?
She hits me for no reason!
Why are you such a cry baby?


Do you have brothers and sisters?  Then you are familiar with these statements and questions.  No matter how old you are, you have experienced the drama that comes with having siblings.

If you asked most people, they would say life without brothers and sisters is unimaginable.  I believe that to be true (most days).  I grew up in a very large family.  A family that was never ashamed of showing emotions, wasn't embarrassed to fight in the middle of K-Mart, never backed down from an argument, and never quite understood what "stay out of my business" meant.  I grew up in a house with two sisters and my single mother.  Outside of that existed a family the size of Norway.  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, great-aunts, great-uncles, 3rd cousins, 2nd cousins, 1st cousins, families of those married into our family, and trust me...this list can go on and on.  We lived in a somewhat small town, and all of these people live in this town when I was growing up.   Life as a child was filled with picnics, family gatherings, potlucks, church, confirmations, baptisms, weddings, graduations.....never a shortage of "togetherness."  You cannot even fathom a life without it when you are fully in it. Then you grow up.  And the happiness and togetherness fades.  

The Love:
As a child, I can clearly remember Christmas as my favorite holiday.  The ENTIRE family would gather at my grandparents house around the Christmas tree we spent every year "hunting."  (Funny enough-we called it Christmas Tree Hunting-as if the tree had a chance.)  There would be my aunts and uncles, their spouses, all of their children, and their grandchildren.  Imagine the chaos!  At least  30 of us on a good year.  We wore our handmade Christmas sweatshirts, gaudy Christmas jingly jewelry, and gathered around over the yearly tradition-oyster stew. (Is this a German or Norwegian tradition that I just don't know about?)  We opened gifts, we ate treats, we partook in the holiday joy!  It wasn't just Christmas!  We gathered at our great-aunts every Halloween...one for popcorn balls and apple cider, and the other for the GOOD candy in the trailer court (plus we didn't have to walk as far because the homes were so close together.)  

We have an odd family.  We cry  A LOT!  We cry when we are happy, sad, confused, and angry!  I cannot explain it or find reason in it...it's just the way it is!  We hug, we argue, we find joy in the smallest things (like camping together-YES over 40 people sometimes).  We live modestly and for some reason rarely do any members leave the small town in which we all grew up.  Why? Fear?  Uncertainty? Separation anxiety?  Not sure!  I could sit here and list off all the uniqueness of my family, and the quirks and traditions...but that's just painting a portion of the picture.  My point is, in the absence of a family unit---life is undoubtedly boring and lonely.

The Dramatics:
The topic of most phone calls throughout the day are probably family to family. Be it bragging about who made the honor roll, complaining about which person failed to meet your standards, whining about how your siblings cannot get their sh*$ together.  Why do we do this???  Why do we feel that it is necessary to ruin other peoples day by deflecting our problems onto other family members?  This doesn't mean that we don't care or that we aren't concerned.  But let's try to place it into a new type of context or just not mention it at all.  We know there are problems.  We all have Facebook, right?  Choose what you are going to participate in.  Let's quit getting suckered into bickering and he said she said by just minding our own business.  My grandmother said it today, "if someone has been the same their entire life, don't try to change them now."  She is so wise!  

My two sisters and I couldn't be more different.  I won't go too much into their personalities, but let's just say they are very much "egg-shell" type relationships.  You really have to be careful how you react or approach a subject or situation-because you aren't sure which reaction you will get.  I love them both unconditionally, but there are moments I wish I could snap them back into the girls they were 20 years ago.  Happy, a full future ahead of them, dreamers, saw life at their fingertips....now all I see is two women who feel stuck.  As children, swarmed by this life of togetherness, I saw us a attached and bonded for life.  Our relationships with one another were fun, stable, unbreakable, and I couldn't have imagined a future where this wasn't the norm.  But it changed and in a sense-I grieved.  I grieved that they cannot see a life beyond their imagination!  A life full of opportunities!  A life so abundant in love that you cannot contain it.  But instead of airing my opinions about their lives and their life decisions-I have just learned over the past year to let things go.  I cannot control every outcome but I can control how I react to the outcome.  Let it fly.  

Not only do we witness our own failures as siblings...we watch it happening with our aunts and uncles too!  They bicker, argue, and whine as much as us younger generations!  And at times it may even seem worse!  At a certain age, these siblings lose their filters and just let one another have it!  We watch them spend less time together, more time judging one another for their faults and decisions, and less developing a new  relationship with the person they are now.  So when we begin starting our families, the older generation we once idolized begins falling apart before us and we realize the "togetherness" we experienced as youth will never be the experience our children have growing up.  Its actually quite sad!   This is where we WAKE UP and realize times have changed.  The world is evolving and we have to stop comparing our days growing up to the youth now.  All we can do is pass along our good morals and share our bad decisions.  (And really hope that our children are as perfect as we think they are.)

But I know I am not the only one who has a dysfunctional family.  What can you change about how you read and respond to a situation within your family?  Does the situation impact you directly?  Does the situation change your future?  Does the situation harm anyone you love?  The answers to these questions can help you determine how serious your response to a situation within your family should be.  Stand still, evaluate, then respond.

Takeaway? Feel free to share your thoughts!
Goodnight chickees!!! 

I believe I will ________________.  Fill in the blank.

My answer?  Simple.  I believe I will survive.  No matter what negativity is thrown my way, no matter how many times I fail, no matter how many NO's I receive in business, no matter how uncomfortable speaking in crowds makes me...I will see it through and guess what?  I will still be standing.  I can say I made it through.  I can say in confidence that I am a champ!

Do you remember asking out your first crush?  I do.  He was my paperboy and 2 years my senior (I was in 6th grade-he in eighth).  I called him, he said no, I was embarrassed.  I lived.  

Do you remember performing your first solo?  I do.  I was in 5th grade and I performed a cello solo of the "Home Alone" theme song at a school concert.  I have no recollection of how I sounded.  All I remember was the ridiculous outfit I thought was the ultimate babe magnet.  Black and white striped shorts that said Que Pasa? on them (which translates to "what's up" in Spanish).  Did I live?  YEP.

Do you remember you first time driving a car?  I do.  I was in 9th grade drivers ed.  I was the last of 3 students to take the drivers seat.  I turned the car on, removed my foot from the break....I thought this constituted driving (much to my dismay you actually had to press the gas pedal).  Fail.  

The common theme--I believed in me.  No one else had to.  Someone may always be there to agree with whatever you are doing (you know the one-chirping in your ear that what you are contemplating is actually a good idea).  But you have to take the leap! You make the decision to believe in yourself!  So why as we get older do we take what other peoples judgments and critiques and opinions may be into account before making any decisions in our life?  After all, it is OUR life!

What is it that you want?  I want to retire by the age of 40.  Can I?  Why am I asking you.... I CAN!  I can set goals...I can hit the ground running and blow the roof off my business!  #noexcuses Today is the day!   Excuses are our own way of talking ourselves out of things we have already given ourselves permission to do!!!  Read that again.  Is it making sense yet?

Whatever you are on the fence about doing. DO IT!  BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.  Who cares what other people think or say or do.  If they want to smash your dreams, if they want to be annoyed by your constant yammering about "goals," let them be hateful.  But cherish those few that admire your passion, cheer you on, and tell you to go for it.  Give them a shout out! 

Chickees...you are all champs in my eyes!


Thank you Jason for always supporting me and saying "Go for it!" no matter what "it" is.  I love you!

The pretty one, the sweet one, the sarcastic one, the hypochondriac, the "mysterious" one, the snooty one, the boring one, the loose one, the hippie, the mom, the "drinks to much" one, the perfectionist, the ghetto one, the musician, the gossiping one, the wealthy one, the judgmental one, the atheist, the writer, the country bumpkin, the churchy one, the actress, the tomboy, the "hard knocked life" one, the drama queen, the annoying one, the "always super happy" one, the moaner, the positive "cup is half full" one, the stoner, the B*$#*, the dancing queen, the fat one, the pathological liar, the angel, the grouch, the virgin, the nerd...as you can see this list is long and can be much longer.  We have all worn one or more of these hats in a friendship.  But one thing remains...they were your friend for a reason. 

We need friends.  We need interaction with other females that we share common interests with.  We need to laugh!  We need to cry!  Why is it that the friendships we need and desire in life are the hardest to keep?  Here is the answer---because they all need work and I would guess 65% of females refuse to do so.  "Friendships don't require work. Friendships should be easy."  Look back through your entire life.  How many friends have you had since grade school or middle school?  I'm betting that number is under 2.  The reason they work for so many years is a measure of give and take.  When you need me I am there, when I need you, you are here.  You know everything about each other (good bad and indifferent).   

I believe that this measurement changes as we age because we get get bitter, we get more opinionated, we feel like we deserve more...   But why?  What have you done for your current friend situation that makes you so noble?  Did you save her from a bullet?  Did you jump in front of that car for her?  Did you take the fall for her when she went to jail?  Those are pretty serious instances and I am sure that most of them never happened.  The reality of why your friendships end or slowly fade is that you probably are holding a grudge, that you are jealous, that you are bored, that you are annoyed, that you just plain and simple sick of their BS.  Three words for you GET OVER IT.  

Some friends are meant to let go of...but if you feel yourself missing them, yearning to know how they are, reminiscing on all the fun you shared together---what are you waiting for?  Call them!  Make a lunch date!  Send a card!  DO NOT rely on social networking and texting to reunite you.  Having friendships with women is crucial to your life and even your health believe it or not!   Friends will soothe you, friends will fill voids in your life, friends will fill "emotional gaps" in relationships.  If you are married with kids, having friends with children and spouses will help you relieve stress, can help reduce your blood pressure, can help you feel better when you are ill!   It's all about bonding, then venting, then letting go.  Friends can also help you remember who you are when life has eaten you alive. 

So who are you thinking of right now?  Do yourself a favor and get in touch with her.  Don't let something great slip between your fingers because you are too stubborn to step forward and make the first move.  Be the most awesome friend!  You will definitely regret those "bestie" photos 5 years from now when you despise one another if you don't repair the damage now.  Think about the reasons you aren't friends anymore...how serious was it really?  Don't let life and family get in the way of you maintaining friendships.  Your family is there forever-you could have a friend out there that is really needing you at this moment and you are too busy being busy.  Just be the type of friend you think you deserve.  Then it will come back to you.

Check out this video on the Female Friendship Formula!  
Takeaway Tips:
1. Make it a point to fit your friend in. 
2. Stop obsessing over the past.
3. Stop making excuses.
4. Don't let Facebook replace face time.


Thanks again for reading chickees and feel free to chime in or leave comments!  Muah!

In honor of whatever the heck #mancandymonday is...I have opted to fully divulge my opinions on "falling" in love.   But first I must totally disclose how I met my man candy.  

Early in 2004, my girlfriends and I were at the one of the ONLY two bars in our small town.  Notorious for "booty calls only." We, however, still believed in going out with the girls, dancing, sweating, giggling, and maybe-just maybe we would happen to fall into the arms of some Prince Charming while catching the "always drinks too much" friend from falling face first into the dance floor (probably with her panties hanging all out-unless it was the night she went commando).  You know who she is. 

So up walked this handsome buff (short) black man.  He completely ignored my presence at first, because let's be honest-we know what I looked like.  He goes after the sexy Filipino friend.  She (lucky for me) shuts him down.  The night ends and off we go in our separate directions.  But like I said earlier, our town was very small.  So I saw him at the mall, at Wal-Mart, the bar, etc.  We had short amounts of narrative between us for at least 10 months.  So my 24th birthday comes and my girlfriends and I decide after dinner to head out and go dancing!  I was dressed as well as I could be at the time. Isn't it funny you can remember exactly what you were wearing when "it" happened? I was wearing blue jeans, tall black leather hooker boots over the jeans (it was very sheek in 2004), with a very low cut black satin v-neck blouse.  He was wearing blue jeans, red and white sneakers, and a red polo shirt (and these god-awful glasses-that's a story for another time).  We said hey-the little flirty what you been up to back and forth, and then we danced!  I had probably drank more than any other twenty-four year old on her birthday should have. I did the unthinkable-I asked him back to my place.  After "talking" into the wee morning hours, we slept.  I woke, realized I was supposed to be at church (SORRY JESUS-I know I've been forgiven for this coitus on the first night).  So I left him a note saying I enjoyed his company and he should call me.  (OKAY I know what you are thinking, I knew him-I knew he wasn't a thief.)  I went about my day, I honestly never thought he would call me.  But same day-he did.  We started seeing each other that week and it became official about 2 months later.  We moved in with each other 5 months after that.  Were married and pregnant a little more than a year later.  So contrary to ANYTHING in this world that says your soul mate can be your booty call gone wrong-it happened to us.  (Not that I recommend this route to anyone-ever.)  If you know me, you know this was never the type of person I was!  I was what my family referred to as the Virgin Mary for a year after I had my first child! 

So YES I fell.  I fell HARD.  I had only dated 3 men prior to my husband.   I was the person in a relationship that always found something wrong so I wouldn't have to worry about breaking up, or what came next.  It wasn't me.  UNTIL NOW.  Now I understand the term.  Falling means that its uncontrollable, unpredictable, irreversible, 100% risk, and you have to be vulnerable.  Who thinks of these things during that first 60 seconds of joy, lust, wonder...?  I didn't.  I had never felt jealously until I met him.  I had never laughed like he can make me laugh.  I had never smiled and flirted like I can with my husband.  I had never felt physical heartbreak and pain like I have with my husband.  The honesty between us is borderline psychotic.  We can read each others minds!  If you have never felt this physical pain in your heart like its being ripped from your chest---maybe you haven't experienced real love.  Finding someone in this life that completes you, that makes you better, makes the dream life a reality, and makes you feel like a piece of you is missing when they are not near...congratulations.  This is love.  You have not only experienced the "falling," you survived it.  

That one night with my husband changed the entire course of my life.  I know exactly where I would be if I hadn't met and married him.  And let me tell you...it ain't pretty.  The life that the Lord has blessed my husband and I with is probably the life furthest from the one we ever imagined.  And for that I say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU LORD!   Jason and I were headed down paths in life that would have hurt us, harmed us, defined us, and broke us.  There is a reason that relationships end.  Maybe it wasn't the one worth crying over just yet.  Just be patient, your soul-mate is still out there.  For whatever reason we were paired...I'm grateful.  

Today, we have a blessed and vividly beautiful life.  We have three children that are amazing, smart, hilarious and most importantly...ours.  My husband is currently on a remote tour to Honduras for one year and I miss him tremendously.   If you haven't met him...you are missing out!  Anyone who has met him will tell you how humble, real, and selfless he is.  This is for you JJ.  I love and miss you to the ends of the Earth and back. MUAH! XOXOXO

Later Chickees, and once again-thanks for reading!