When Your Firstborn Graduates

Full transparency...I am unsure if this an advice post, a sad post, or a post about letting go? Normally I always let my heart lead and my fingers follow but its been a a whirlwind of emotions this past week.  Through this school year, I had never fully prepared myself for what was to come.  It was COVID chaos, remote learning, the lack of real school spirit and senior experiences. So it never really hit me.  During this time, she was just one of the three kids at home in my space not listening to anything I said and turning homework in late. All I kept fussing about this entire year was "why do you make so many excuses?" Now I realize just how tough it was on this years seniors and really all students in general.  Parents simply focused on was what we interpreted as their lack of motivation and comprehension.  Rarely did we sympathize when they lost all school related reality.  The workload, the lack of peer interaction, the prison of rarely leaving home.  In hindsight, it is saddening.  

Every moment of yelling, every exhausted session of mom tutoring, every moment of me threatening her life when she got a failing grade was absolutely erased when I saw her in her cap and gown.  When I was affixing her white attachment to her black gown, it felt as nostalgic as preparing her for her wedding day.  My heart melted as I began realizing this officially marked the end of her childhood.  On May 27, 2021 my first born child and only daughter walked out to pomp and circumstance and was about to cross the threshold into the rest of her life. 

I was unsure how I would be affected by this image and surprisingly it was more nostalgic than sad.  A few images crossed my mind while she made her way to the stage. Her preschool graduation, her first day of school, her fifth grade graduation, her first prom, her first time driving, her first day of her first job...

All important milestones that will forever be trapped in my file cabinet of memories and now I have one more to add.  We always talk about the day our children grow up and move on with their lives.  It's shocking when the day finally arrives. You want to grab them tight and hold on forever.  Because we can already envision what comes next.  We did all that years ago and now here we are-older and watching our kids follow in our footsteps.  College, careers, husbands/wives, children of their own, moving, buying their first homes... in our head it happens tomorrow.  In reality, it's a long adventurous road ahead.  And many more memories and firsts to create with our adult children.  We have closed the book on this volume of life.  But the next couple of volumes are even more incredible.  So hold on!!

So parents of recent grads... let's put a pause on "letting them go."  Enjoy them sleeping in and coming to the kitchen half awake telling you good morning. Roll your eyes in silence when they have once again left their shoes on the floor in the living room. When you hear good music, dance your best dance and embarrass them. When you have an errand to run ask if they want to join you.  Sing loud to music you both enjoy in the car.  Teenagers love selfies...let them take them but ask to be in a few too.  Look in the mirror-its not just us letting our children go... our children are also having to let us go.  Remember that.  It isn't easy for any of us.  Just live in the present, cherish the new memories, and continue to love them unconditionally.  We've had our 18 years with them.  The time has come to let them go so we can watch them grow.